FollowYourFear


image

Incoming lyricsm
via PicsArt Photo Studio

Keep the darkness outside, keep your thoughts close and clear.
Pick up on these words and follow these fears
When you’re armed with your ideas, they’ll all disappear
Pick up on these words and follow these fears.

Welcome. This is just a simple website where I pour all of my thoughts, failures, loves, losses and experiences into words. I hope you enjoy, or even become inspired.

Thanks.

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“Keep At The Ending”


Written By: Bryan Brewster
Date Started: September 13, 2016
Date Finished: September 13, 2016

“Keep At The Ending”

[Verse]
When this started we held it careful
I refused to believe this thing
You brought all of the signs of lasting
Longer than past northern flings
You remind me of better years now
When life was such smooth sailing
But I know which way this tide turns
The shore, it’s safe for me.

[Chorus]
Row, through a river of your tears to where you think I should be
I know it’s not the way you wanted me, the way you want to be
I felt the pull of attraction, I felt the reason strong.
It feels just like my past did, that’s why I’m moving along

[Verse]
I pulled back to watch you unravel
Spilling your heart on the floor
I never promised to gather your pieces
You always threw out more
This clutter,
This mess,
It’s way beyond my skill
Throwing all your knives at once won’t make a single kill.

[Chorus]
Row, through a river of your tears to where you think I should be
I know it’s not the way you wanted me, the way you want to be
I felt the pull of attraction, I felt the reason strong.
It feels just like my past did, that’s why I’m moving along.

[Bridge]
You never give in
Kept your boat just off the shore
Telling me jump, into the storm

You never give in
Outstretched arms, they do implore
That they reach out for your oar
But the waves have reached the shore
They’ll turn their backs to you once more.

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“Jump; And Never Ascend”


Written By: Bryan Brewster
Date Started: September 12, 2016
Date Finished: September 13, 2016

“Jump; And Never Ascend”

[Verse 1]
She’s a perfect storm of smiles,
Of faces worth my while
But in the end she needs
Something that I can’t be
I’m holding onto moments
That always end in bed
I never wanted progress,
Didn’t care where this led

So follow me round, so follow me down…

[Chorus]
I felt the rush of hearts, as it became much more
I let the words walk in, I let them past this door.
My security is weakened, I’ve left my walls down low
I simply can’t provide, this love you’ll never know.

[Verse]
Smile brightly for me, tell me everything
Of how you know it’s ending, or just how we proceed
I feel the stop, these brakes are locked,
We’re skidding towards the wall
I’m taking blame for this one, I shouldn’t let you fall.

So, follow me round!
I’ve been down this road
So follow me down!
This trails gone cold.

[Chorus]
I felt the rush of hearts, as it became much more
I let the words walk in, I let them past this door.
My security is weakened, I’ve left my walls down low
I simply can’t provide, this love you’ll never know.

I felt the same damn feeling, a loving heart exposed.
But I could never, be the one who closed.
Just move along so easy, just treat it as your dream
I’ll fade away to nothing, a distant memory.

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“From Asheville, To Sarasota: In Motion”


Written By: Bryan Brewster
Date Started: December 29, 2014
Date Finished: December 29, 2014

“From Asheville, To Sarasota: In Motion”
I’m falling faster than a comet
She knocked me out of orbit,
I was wandering around this system
Just waiting to be absorbed
I never had direction, just fuel and motivation
I never knew I was missing something so deep and interesting.

She said, “I like the way you roll through, pretending you’re unstoppable.
But I’ve seen the way you move, and you know that it’s improbable.
You’re gonna have to stop and enjoy the space around you.
So hover for a second baby, I’m the star that’s gonna shine on you.
I’ll illuminate your path, so you can find the destination
I’ll be the light for your life, so you’re never left guessing.
I’ll follow through and be with you until we’re both cold and gasping
I’ll make the galaxies pass by so fast you’ll never know we’re dying.
Cause in the end, you’re the one I chose to flow into infinity
We know that there’s a finite end to the lives that we are leading.

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“Feathers”


Written By: Bryan Brewster
Date Started: November 10, 2015
Date Finished: May 1, 2016
“Feathers”

Disappear so slowly into everything I’m missing
Reminiscing of things that have passed me
And you know that I can’t let this go so easily.
Can you tell me you’re missing moments with ease?
If I spend a second on this could we appease the masses
Could we make this the classiest,
And take it past the feeling of dread
Creeping up when you’re alone in the bed.

This battle was lost the day I took off
No matter the cost, we looked better on paper

I’m looking to climb, disregarding the height
Propelled upward with featherweight flight
Never looking down, so the fall won’t surprise me
Enjoying descents, an untimely grounding
Oh, how did you fall, with spectacular landing
With your legs to the ground and your eyes to the sky
But the love that we found isn’t beaming tonight.

I feel the weight of tomorrow
The feeling that failures the sorrow
A reason to give in to all expectations
Separate lovers, and lives in a nation.

So look ahead to the brightness of being free
To the overwhelming ability to keep us afloat
To every heart, in every boat
To every lover, that lost one too
To the former loved, that left you
I’ve played each role to various degree
I’ve played with hearts, and you played me
So heavy, the ending, so much for the feather
So much for your love, this weightless endeavor.

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“Where I’ve Roamed Pt I: Awkward”


20150527_202911Written By: Bryan Brewster
Date Started: October 29, 2015
Date Finished: March 9, 2016

“Where I’ve Roamed Pt I: Awkward”

 

She shot her eyes straight towards the ground, around the waves, across the bay
I thought I’d say another word, but she’d ignore it anyway.
I’ve got the time, cause I’m in line
For nothing interesting
My mind is fucking racing,
I’m losing interest quickly
She said, “I think you’re lying, it could never be this easy.”

[Chorus]
I’m not the one you’ve seen before
No need to second guess me
No reason to mislead you
No need for you to test me

Figured you out in glances
But all my time you’re wasting
So take my words just as they are
No motive means no guessing
Wear your heart right on your sleeve

[Verse]
This time it’s something different, buzzed as the sound rose to a roar
Three drinks and first date dancing, I never thought she’d slur the words.
Inhibition down, she’s grabbing on
To any hand that keeps her form from hitting ground

She’s spinning round, I’ve lost my balance
But never fell, she’s up and running
“I’ve got to think you’ll leave me, so why are we still moving?
I can’t refuse the moments, and you just seek to use me.
I’m fucking fragile, I can’t rule my world this loosely.”

[Bridge]
It’s not the way it’s always been
You’re thinking back to promises
No need to second guess me
No reason for you to test me

And in the end we found, that color was indeed inbound
Of purple waves, and emerald gaze to bring me back to ground
I’ll have to end this game, cause I’m way too overmatched now
I have to mend my ways cause you’ve opened up the hatch now
Just can’t avert the gaze that brings down all my fences
Just over a month to stay, you think you can convince this?

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“Where I Roam Pt III. Fleur De Lis”


12039450_10153179287078977_5041987166329525959_nWritten By: Bryan Brewster
Date Started: September 14, 2015
Date Finished: September 15, 2015

“Where I Roam Pt III. Fleur De Lis”

I lifted up from the ground, every hope, care and fear
Floating off from all the negatives, every reason in my ear
She said, “You’re gonna leave me fallen, cold and all alone”
With a smile that could’ve heated every day that I’d be gone.

I didn’t realize at the moment,
That all gravity had shifted
Every color palette flipped
My heart made it’s way back to my chest
I’d laid it out, and laid you down, you caught a case of feelings yet.
I said, “I’ll keep you warm long as you let me,
Bring heat with words and snaps and charm.

Hold Violet, Emerald,
Crimson, this beauty
Mix feelings, colors
Moments, stir gently.
Grant me serenity.

Rolling along at speeds above the posted, every silken word
You sing along to every rhythm, keep me hanging on their word
“Deep in my bones I can feel you, take me back to a time only we knew”
Let the day fade into obscurity while I take you back to our ending

I didn’t realize at the moment.
That the weather pattern lifted
Every leaf palette has shifted
Let your sleeve burn to your chest
You’d laid it all out on the line, though your words were uncertain
She said, “I’ve never thought that love was more than a choice that I made
I didn’t think I’d feel as if my heart could grow these legs.
You’ve let it loose to run, so lead me where you wish.
Just keep it safe from harm, cause I can’t take much more of this.”

Hold Violet, Emerald,
Crimson, this beauty
Mix feelings, colors
Moments, stir gently.
Grant me serenity.

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I’m struggling.


I have an imbalance. I can’t control these mood swings, I can’t control my depressive thoughts and destructive tendencies. I fight with myself every moment of the day to hold back from losing my shit in front of everyone, though sometimes it’s not enough, as Tina, Coree and Ashleigh have seen.

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I don’t know who I’ve become. I stopped taking my classes because I got overwhelmed and couldn’t concentrate. I’ve got four free years of school that I’ve done nothing with for the last four years. I let things slide away from me, and wonder why they’ve gone when I don’t truly try to keep them around. People in my life I consider important to me, I treat them terribly and expect for them to stick around.  I don’t want it that way, I just can’t help it. I ignore them, don’t listen, and belittle the things they love and want to do because I’m terrified of being a real true friend. I talk so much shit about being there for people, but in the end, what do I really do?

I left my wife and kids, and feel terrible everyday about doing so. It wasn’t working, but it’s not the kids fault, and they are who suffer the most from it. No matter what though, they get on webcam with me and all of a sudden I’m the greatest dad, and I’m not. And it kills me so much to know that I basically did to them what my father did to me. They still love me so much though, and I can’t fucking handle it because I feel like I failed them mightily for not trying even harder to work things out with Rita.

I want to apologize to a lot of people for shit I’ve done, or didn’t do.

Brian McKee/Ryan Dietrich: We were great friends while stationed together in Stewart, and we drifted apart because I didn’t keep up with you guys. You moved on to do things in your life, and I wasn’t there because I didn’t put effort into maintaining a friendship. I wasn’t there for either of you through your divorces and all of the shit that followed afterwards. I didn’t call or reach out a hand, and I’m sorry for that, so sorry. I really do consider you guys good friends even though I’ve been a true asshole about things. I really am glad that you’ve both come through the otherside better for what you’ve been through, even though I wasn’t there to support you guys.

Katie Sheetz: It’s been well documented how shit of a friend I have been to you. We spoke of this many times, and though I said I’d get better, I haven’t kept my word on that. You deserve nothing less, because you know me well and have ALWAYS been there when I needed you. I regret so much about our friendship, from your accident to now, even. I haven’t spoken to you in awhile because I just know you’ll be there for me and I feel guilty because I can’t even fucking come close to saying I’ve been there for you.

All of my co-workers past and present: You don’t deserve the bipolar asshole who works with you. I can’t help my mood, and even when all you guys want is for me to feel better; I push you guys away with rude remarks that I regret but keep up because I want to maintain the idea that I don’t need the support. I do. It’s killing me inside because I know there’s something wrong with me and I don’t know how to stop it from ruining my relationships with you all. Sometimes I just go through the day trying not to burst into tears over some shit in my head that I can’t control, because I don’t want to be that emotional person. I tell myself in my head that I’m stronger mentally when I don’t even come close to what I exude.

To Kandis especially; I know you look up to me because you think I give no fucks, but I do. I really care about more of the people there and things that I let on, because I don’t want to break the dam in my heart that I’ve built up. Every once in awhile it shows through, and I know that that ten percent of who I really am is what keeps you guys hanging out with me. I really appreciate the majority of you. I really do. I don’t mean half the shit I say about you guys.

Mike Barin/Kenneth Lewis/Johnny Walker: You’re all very important to me, and I’m proud of all of you for doing the shit that you do. I know I stopped calling, texting, just talking to you all in general because it’s hard to feel this way and talk about all of this shit as a man. You’ve all got beautiful families and kids and lives, and I’m just here being “that one guy who used to be a really great friend but disappeared”. I fucking hate it. I love you guys and I hope you know this. We’ve been friends going on what? 15-16 years now? And I can’t even bring myself to call or say what’s up or come hang out with you guys? Blowing off invitations to visit because of bullshit excused? I’m so ashamed.

Anthony/Ernest/Chris/Nick/Alex/Shaneiqua: I’ve been the worst big brother. I haven’t been there for any of you in any capacity. I’ve always been out doing my own shit without checking up to make sure you all were heading in the right direction. As a result I feel responsible for all of the shit you guys had to go through or got into. Ask Rita, I cried when hearing about Ernest and Chris going to jail, because I felt like I didn’t do enough to keep them on the straight and narrow path. I wasn’t the big brother who kept them in line at all. I didn’t try to keep contact with Ant/Nick/Alex when dad moved them to SC. I just fucking let it go and didn’t do shit. I didn’t reach out at all. I know I fucked up in this.

Family in General: I apologize for not visiting. For being in Asheville and not visiting. I told myself for so long that I just wanted out of that fucking place, and by extension you guys as well. I don’t feel that way at all, it’s just hard being there and keeping up, and then realizing that a lot of you are still struggling to make things happen and there’s nothing I can do about it to make things better. I used to lament on what I could do to help you guys to the point of overstressing myself and it was killing me inside. So I shut you off and came home rarely, and it was the wrong choice. I know I might not have many years left with most of you, and I feel like I wasted a ton of time.

Tarah/Annie: You both know me so well, and I spent years getting away from you both. Even now I can’t say I’ve shown the level of interest in your lives that I should. You both just pick back up talking to me like nothing happened, like I didn’t ditch you guys for a relationship or any of the other dumb things I ran away for. I love you both so much, and I love the fact that you’re both leading good lives with kids. Annie you’re my best conscience, you always told me when I fucked up, yelled at me when I was wrong, and let me come over for dinner with the family. I love your mom, and grandma, and I appreciate them as much as I appreciate you. Tarah, you know all of my struggles and trials, and how much love I still hold for you. Even though we’re only great friends now; my first true love still holds deep within my heart.

I’m depressed, I’m struggling with everything. Please be patient with me everyone, I’m still trying my hardest to be the person that I know some of you see in me.

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